2012-01-20T20:05:15Z

839 slice open my wrists pour into a tall dark can free energy drink

2011-04-26T12:31:50Z

831 redundant unnecessary crossing guards

2011-04-21T13:44:53Z

830 wikileaks support your freedom t-shirt sale

2009-12-02T04:00:15Z

791 faux fur coats old obese chicks strut qvc

2009-12-01T01:32:26Z

790 your z4 actions speak louder small penis

2009-11-24T19:06:26Z

788 i see you behind the red dot points are mine

2009-11-24T19:01:12Z

787 employment you take what you can they do too

2009-10-02T17:53:41Z

785 my look would kill you you would shrivel up and die they're my laser eyes

2009-09-11T15:50:34Z

783 suck the cancer down let it eat you inside out last vision, the sign

2009-09-11T15:45:24Z

781 warning signs smoke free property matt stay out

2009-08-05T13:27:59Z

778 the full moon stare in it's lone eye carl, werewolf

2009-07-31T18:53:52Z

774 eat it when it's time hold it steady, insert deep swallow life's dick whole

2009-07-31T18:41:01Z

773 running up the tab writing checks your cup can't cash stand and deliver!

2009-07-21T01:47:57Z

767 me and my short fuse you and all your grievances it's lights, camera...

2009-07-17T01:29:44Z

763 free money in your underwear racing stripes

2009-07-16T16:46:44Z

762 you're pacing stare out the window you're so deep

2009-07-16T13:23:38Z

760 bifocals pocket protector no girls here

2009-07-15T13:25:15Z

757 camero the status symbol budweiser

2009-07-15T13:24:19Z

756 cover your fax, bitch didn't you get the memo? prevent ftds

2009-07-15T13:15:41Z

755 your goatse remake knew you were being ass raped did not know how hard

2009-07-14T18:25:14Z

753 the last day i don't know the when just the how

2009-07-10T13:05:42Z

749 you got here early but i started billing first thumbs up their asses

2009-07-08T04:49:01Z

744 the arK is ready ready for biblical floods bathe in your tears

2009-07-08T04:19:05Z

743 god yes, the decor! carpet panels cover walls wall mounted headboard

2009-07-08T03:21:42Z

742 had the gift more than just talent billy mays

2009-07-08T03:11:54Z

741 high school reunion hate from afar with facebook there's no need to meet

2009-05-21T18:32:17Z

719 marathon run all that you want just one wins

2009-05-21T14:48:24Z

718 i wonder how many hit lists you are on

2009-05-11T14:40:08Z

717 customer audits i'm giving this tip for free go and fuck yourself

2009-05-08T21:09:29Z

715 support call you mumble softly idiot

2009-05-08T14:38:33Z

713 you second guess me? maybe question your judgement... i mean, you hired me

2009-05-08T14:33:25Z

712 message marked urgent ill handle it with great care urgent deletion

2009-05-08T14:30:53Z

711 drink much this weekend and drunk drive much this weekend just hit rick's mailbox

2009-05-07T12:39:16Z

710 got into my car almost drove to the airport fly away for good

2009-05-07T01:46:02Z

708 can't shake the feeling that life's a video game without the save spots

2009-05-07T00:50:55Z

707 hey you, did you ask? well, watch my gut as i shoot! take that you cardboard!

2009-05-07T00:49:11Z

706 swine flu time let's watch the weak die just step back

2009-05-07T00:41:19Z

704 we'll miss you come back and visit anytime

2009-05-07T00:38:03Z

703 click click boom down mother fucker ass is grass

2009-05-07T00:37:19Z

702 sick bike man if only possessions replaced you

2009-05-07T00:35:00Z

701 cum dumpster montpelier like legs pregnant swine

2009-05-07T00:33:25Z

700 the notice trashcan removal and free rent

2009-05-07T00:31:48Z

699 dinner and movie stop home and grab a bowlpack he's the romantic

2009-05-06T00:16:44Z

694 losing the room mate losing the awesome grow room winning the failure

2009-05-06T00:12:13Z

693 redirect would not want your blood on my floor

2009-05-06T00:10:59Z

692 bowlpack bro give you the trash can trade you soap

2009-05-05T23:04:32Z

691 click on the button instant gratification like a morphine drip

2009-05-05T15:07:23Z

689 oh, what could it be? somethings missing here at work... the ultraviolent

2009-05-05T15:05:56Z

688 guess the CPAs are just better at their scams than the rest of us

2009-05-04T16:59:50Z

684 going green collecting soap chips it turns hard

2009-05-04T16:54:39Z

683 i need a lighter oh look, my roomie has one i'll just borrow it

2009-05-04T16:53:16Z

682 tending the grow op cover it with my t shirt now no one will know

2009-05-04T16:39:41Z

679 expense it! we thought about work... it must count!

2009-05-04T16:38:28Z

678 no, my retirement! this can't be my destiny put on the hair net

2009-05-04T16:35:54Z

677 the alarm sounds before murder guess i'm late

2009-05-04T16:35:09Z

676 re: friday maybe we could all take it off

2009-05-04T16:32:23Z

675 i'm the boss check out my new book zero friends

2009-04-23T14:32:18Z

662 we're closer on the same page now direct hit

2009-04-22T13:45:50Z

658 your two weeks notice? real men just walk in and quit try and grow a pair

2009-04-09T01:35:22Z

646 hey good luck at ken's we're rooting for you buddy now get my pizza

2009-04-09T01:34:22Z

645 the visionary with all these great ideas yet still on the couch

2009-04-09T01:34:00Z

644 just let the worms come let them chew my brain apart i'm fucking for it

2009-04-09T01:33:42Z

643 dedham, mass another shithole burn it down

2009-04-09T01:33:21Z

642 the sign says relax my stomach says otherwise thank you hampton inn

2009-04-09T01:33:08Z

641 it's the game of life spin, move and pickup a card you lose regardless

2009-04-09T01:32:54Z

640 you've been distracted it's been affecting your work just sit and listen

2009-04-09T01:32:40Z

639 obama hear the name again and i'll scream

2009-04-09T01:32:29Z

638 close your eyes then throw down the switch ignition

2009-04-09T01:32:18Z

637 my self reflection yields nothing more than discrace i'm still half a man

2009-04-09T01:32:01Z

636 if i had bear claws i'd tear your face and nuts off at the same damn time

2009-04-09T01:31:45Z

635 cancerous the human condition we're code blue

2009-04-09T01:31:30Z

634 hey deep six the smile pretty sure you shit your pants or you're indian

2009-04-09T01:31:14Z

633 looking for a hole to bury myself alive found my work instead

2009-04-09T01:30:58Z

632 done before i start i don't want to work this week or really ever

2009-04-09T01:30:42Z

631 you're not a virgin you've proven it to the world congratulations

2009-03-10T20:22:12Z

623 flavor, cut, music six thousand three hundred ten pipe god among men

2009-02-10T10:41:10Z

601 welcome to your life: one giant disappointment after another

2009-02-04T18:32:54Z

599 lollipop kisses magical rainbow candy i giggle with glee!

2009-02-04T18:29:45Z

598 the last stand the final work day forever

2009-02-04T18:26:07Z

597 i'm so sorry rick i'm afraid dinner is off as i'm bleeding out

2009-02-04T18:21:32Z

596 tedeschi food shops: i could have eaten cardboard and enjoyed it more

2009-02-04T09:09:05Z

595 i clean now! russian cleaning girl: would not fuck

2009-02-04T00:09:32Z

594 play the game take it up the ass be the duck

2009-02-04T00:05:44Z

593 go killdozer go they never suspected it living out my dream

2009-02-04T00:00:14Z

592 business or pleasure it is so hard to choose one i'll smile either way

2009-02-03T23:54:43Z

591 emptiness when you have it all and yet still

2009-02-03T23:53:17Z

590 and if i die before i wake no more rick

2009-02-01T14:42:38Z

585 eleven o'clock go check out the nightly news look for my story

2009-01-30T12:56:31Z

583 power lunch talking of business packing heat

2008-11-24T10:55:33Z

563 black friday the mad beer cave rush wait in line

2008-11-12T08:27:03Z

560 it courses through you the coffee river rapids seeking an exit

2008-09-29T12:26:22Z

533 i am sensitive to all the embarassment that you are feeling

2008-09-29T09:18:06Z

530 congratulations! looks like you wiped your own ass! it's haiku worthy!

2008-09-29T09:16:57Z

529 it's all about me put up away messages hoping you'd notice

2008-09-28T20:13:37Z

528 better to fade out than die watching richard gere sans my dignity

2008-09-28T20:06:35Z

526 hug her tight shed tears together what a champ

2008-09-28T20:05:03Z

525 the sex after gere feelings of accomplishment yet you still have failed

2008-09-28T19:45:07Z

523 richard gere best weekend ever what a fruit

2008-09-24T12:29:28Z

516 cry for unity yet cringe when the next one comes you know they are weak

2008-09-24T12:26:26Z

514 rely on starpause the worst haiku creator never let us down

2008-09-24T12:22:16Z

513 i won't tell if you cut too deep k, starpause?

2008-09-17T09:27:27Z

500 hey casey put down the hikoo get to work

2008-09-15T08:31:17Z

496 the longer i work here the more unemployment that i can receive

2008-09-12T08:26:11Z

495 unstable? rest assured, i'm on stable ground.

2008-09-11T07:19:54Z

494 my you're so helpful installing all my updates and losing my work

2008-09-05T15:10:22Z

490 time to leave early management is not at work they will never know

2008-09-03T08:27:44Z

487 but you said that drinking alone was ok

2008-08-26T21:21:35Z

482 big city sliders is there nothing you won't sell? i guess not billy

2008-08-26T21:06:30Z

481 evidence all of my haikus no regret

2008-08-20T13:09:11Z

478 no need for a coat it doesn't get cold in hell the bus is coming

2008-08-20T10:25:24Z

477 net zero value one more grenade in the mouth now you're defriended

2008-08-15T10:43:49Z

469 this week, it's salad next week, it's the 'restaurant' this is the last time

2008-08-08T08:09:57Z

461 fuck your car you pay what we pay paid for shit

2008-08-07T10:49:14Z

460 shut the garage door rev up your auto's engine wait for victory

2008-08-06T09:41:24Z

458 crack baby if your mommy could she'd smoke you

2008-08-05T07:52:20Z

456 final solution hey let's get a big road cone bet that will stop them

2008-08-05T07:48:22Z

455 the red dress it's color is nice but you aren't

2008-07-28T16:40:20Z

450 drink it down your coffee and beer nothings free

2008-07-25T08:31:37Z

449 your mexican food it's not really mexican and not really food

2008-07-25T08:30:25Z

448 i'll buy you a drink! anything special you want? got the opposite...

2008-07-25T08:28:17Z

447 i made it pissed away 4k and my life

2008-07-23T05:49:53Z

441 and it's off to work make a mess for housekeeping there's no need to flush

2008-07-23T05:49:28Z

440 go to sleep alone sweet dreams at the hampton inn wake up with a 'friend'

2008-07-23T05:49:08Z

439 on the free "thought pad" that's sitting aside my bed note reads "fix the net"

2008-07-23T05:48:33Z

438 big day tomorrow will decide the entry point guess i'll sleep on it

2008-07-23T05:48:11Z

437 jihad the network streaming vast amounts of porn will go door to door

2008-07-23T05:47:54Z

436 lock me up in room 308 forever

2008-07-23T05:47:38Z

435 plastic cups i mean don't splurge reuse them

2008-07-23T05:47:21Z

434 the cold shower all that will save me from memories

2008-07-23T05:47:01Z

433 the front desk i'll permanently turn in keys

2008-07-23T05:46:40Z

432 the network timeout could it be my computer? do indians smell?

2008-07-23T05:46:19Z

431 franklin mass they have pizza here and that's it

2008-07-23T05:41:33Z

430 free wifi get what you pay for fucking zip

2008-07-23T05:41:11Z

429 seen from my "used" chair all of six locks on my doors yet i'm still not safe

2008-07-23T05:40:41Z

428 therapist knows best better than all of the rest they'll never wake up

2008-07-23T05:40:19Z

427 free ac what the fuck is this? it's 8 mile

2008-07-23T05:39:58Z

426 score - bible! deep in my drawer can't save me

2008-07-23T05:39:36Z

425 crank the heat then crank the ac costs you zero

2008-07-23T05:39:13Z

424 yeah sure it looks clean but if you weighed all the sheets more cum than cotton

2008-07-23T05:38:13Z

423 lamp with plugs genius invention for the poor

2008-07-23T05:37:52Z

422 free cookies spit into the trash nothings free

2008-07-23T05:37:05Z

421 your stories i forced a smile dead inside

2008-07-23T05:36:39Z

420 love the hampton inn grainy pixelated porn and no ppv

2008-07-22T11:43:21Z

417 no tp just the sandpaper feel the burn

2008-07-21T09:28:17Z

415 apple q matt fucking loves you he signed off

2008-07-20T23:14:24Z

414 endgame draws nearer why pay all your employees if they'll work for free

2008-07-14T15:27:32Z

404 pretend you hate it writing poems on your mac part of the problem

2008-07-14T13:45:06Z

402 you sent me cookies i blocked and unfriended you cut to my haiku

2008-07-11T09:27:06Z

399 if i was a god i'd smite all of india and it would feel good

2008-07-11T08:15:54Z

398 ftp is down hey thank you for your email how are you my boss

2008-07-11T07:18:19Z

397 so much easier to hand orders to others than do work yourself

2008-07-10T09:49:18Z

385 when i kill myself will walk into the office jihad before you

2008-07-10T08:44:00Z

384 hail levar burton god's given us eyes to see yet you see without

2008-07-10T07:48:48Z

383 value add it's really bullshit i add none

2008-07-10T07:48:05Z

382 gee whiz it's karma that i suffer watching earl for all those i killed

2008-07-10T07:38:17Z

381 genocide it fixes mistakes even yours

2008-07-10T07:37:05Z

380 five dollar five dollar footlong fuck subway

2008-07-09T19:27:26Z

379 throw it out cant fool me asshole ground turkey

2008-07-09T11:26:36Z

366 suck a cheetahs dick stolen from wesley willis caught with your pants down

2008-07-09T07:36:04Z

358 i know it's so hard to count three, five or seven guess it's beyond you

2008-07-09T07:32:42Z

357 i can tell you're high haikus suck more than normal go beat off elsewhere

2008-07-08T22:14:19Z

304 lumber overlook from the second window in where the smell comes from

2008-07-08T13:39:06Z

286 it's mission success i got my service started in the back alley

2008-07-08T12:16:21Z

285 service cannot start help docs say to look within all i see is hate

2008-07-08T08:45:36Z

284 now your mom's single and she's moving to shelburne yea sucks to be you

2008-07-08T06:41:33Z

283 come in my office tell me about your vaca still you sleep alone

2008-07-08T06:39:07Z

282 customer is right cost of our service is high do it your fuck self

2008-07-08T06:35:21Z

281 turn quickly with no turn signal goat fucker

2008-07-08T06:33:02Z

280 yes my name is brett sometimes i shit out haikus and other times fire

2008-07-08T06:27:05Z

279 dutch oven users on front page pancaketits

2008-07-05T19:46:18Z

251 sunsetter awning shades the deck pending death

2008-07-03T10:37:32Z

249 living on the edge don't renew your maintenance sweet tears when it fails

2008-07-03T10:35:51Z

248 yes blame the product couldn't possibly be you i mean you're perfect

2008-07-03T09:23:24Z

247 take the garbage bag put your head in and tie tight bag may not inflate

2008-07-03T09:18:10Z

246 if they're paying you and you have nothing to do it's that or be fired

2008-07-03T09:05:56Z

245 quick favor just takes a second impale me

2008-07-03T08:04:33Z

243 with your god-like hands performing huge miracles it's just powerpoint

2008-07-03T08:01:06Z

242 it could be a typo as 's' and 'z' are neighbors or a cry for help

2008-07-03T07:46:27Z

241 the handicapped spot always the best one open i'll see you in hell

2008-07-03T07:44:15Z

240 she shaves her armpits grizzly bear legs block your view cry cause no one cares

2008-07-02T17:05:15Z

212 forced to be better one hand tightly bound the impossible

2008-07-02T16:00:51Z

211 post a new question the two years closed forum post fucking idiot

2008-07-02T11:44:51Z

209 go ahead and smile im sure the ladies love you aqua velva man

2008-07-02T09:25:26Z

208 please play more u2 will only take a moment loading my shotgun

2008-07-02T09:22:55Z

207 jiffy mission trip pulling into the carport hi sleeping neighbor

2008-07-02T09:21:18Z

206 hate salad toss it up real good choke it down

2008-07-02T09:17:42Z

205 yes facebook i know that person we're not friends

2008-07-02T06:50:19Z

203 my finest moment yes kevin i do hate you orgasmic release

2008-07-02T06:45:32Z

202 verizon bent over ass out i'm ready

2008-07-02T06:35:57Z

201 standing in water thanks to the hair in the drain push you down the stairs

2008-07-02T06:31:18Z

200 my big grin pushing the lever what a shit

2008-07-02T06:27:38Z

199 lets conserve water three inches is all you need in order to drown

2008-07-02T06:25:13Z

198 if you're scared go be pack leader brinkerhoff

2008-07-01T19:58:47Z

192 dude how cool is that clicking echolocation too bad you're still blind

2008-07-01T19:53:38Z

191 AOL collect the users kill them all

2008-07-01T19:50:40Z

190 donate blood get movie tickets be a douche

2008-07-01T19:40:05Z

189 god you're deep your thoughtful haiku craptastic

2008-07-01T12:09:13Z

182 code review and you reek of shit amateur

2008-07-01T08:04:22Z

181 your profile picture black and white in your gas mask wish i could gas you

2008-07-01T07:59:13Z

180 driving fast almost eighty-eight tracks of fire

2008-07-01T07:53:42Z

179 and then he yells BAM i'd love to BAM his face in hey thanks emeril

2008-07-01T06:09:22Z

178 6 AM bars can't take me now but work can

2008-07-01T06:08:20Z

177 my hybrid runs off gasoline and your tears

2008-07-01T06:07:54Z

176 having a day off and coming into your work is not a day off

2008-07-01T06:03:48Z

175 in hospital green ass big as a double-wide what a ton of love

2008-07-01T06:02:28Z

174 the vermont black man population overload seven tenths percent

2008-07-01T05:59:18Z

173 accidental gift throw overhand or under? into the dumpster

2008-06-29T21:43:27Z

172 he goes bark bark bark with a swift kick to the face the puppy whimpers

2008-06-27T15:01:08Z

162 there are some who say if you've met one vagina then you've met them all

2008-06-27T08:48:47Z

159 please fix the network all the software stopped working shame i can't kill you

2008-06-27T08:37:23Z

157 pause and take it in the breathtaking ocean view banana hammock

2008-06-26T16:33:39Z

156 super hot freshman talk about a short skirt, fuck guess i'm a pervert

2008-06-26T14:35:30Z

146 choking down the pills erase the bad memories doesn't mean you're gay

2008-06-26T12:56:22Z

144 believe all you want and ask hard for forgiveness no one's listening

2008-06-26T08:44:49Z

140 with roses in hand and some mike's hard lemonade catch a predator

2008-06-26T08:36:46Z

139 so professional utilizing very big words oops fly is undone

2008-06-26T08:33:51Z

138 beautiful new life it's a little baby girl for the dumpster

2008-06-26T08:32:06Z

137 working hard at work i need to find a good one new buddy icon

2008-06-26T07:52:39Z

135 i think i'm so cool 'hikoo' in away message watch for me on cops

2008-06-25T22:50:01Z

134 time to celebrate until mom busts the smoke out uncle from jersey

2008-06-25T22:39:52Z

133 up late programming sidetracked writing hikoos pause to rub one out

2008-06-25T22:34:34Z

132 gas guzzling pickup turbo injected v6 terrorist++

2008-06-25T22:26:17Z

131 in the welfare line trade foodstamps for alcohol redneck aggression

2008-06-25T22:23:51Z

130 everyones quiet all the babies are sleeping pillow smotherer